July 11, 2022: Abuse

A significant problem that I see coming up with some of the recent SBC fights has to do with false binaries from people who are unable to apprehend justice and culpability in complexity.

In the law, we find culpability can be split, for instance a car accident where 1 party is 70 percent at fault, another at 20 percent fault and still another at 10 percent fault.

A 28 year old woman began having an adulterous relationship with her professor. It continued for over a decade. When it ended, she claimed that she is an abuse victim.

There are those who see her as a faultless abuse victim who was manipulated by her evil professor and include her on the list of horrors from the SBC.

There are others who point to no known coercion (you can only get a good grade if you sleep with me) and some evidence of her pursuit romantically of him, and say it is an affair and she is a homewrecker who is not a victim at all.

I want to say that first, I believe that it is a particular sin that is worse when a pastor or authority figure (like a seminary professor) sleeps with a student or congregant or person they are counseling. It is abuse.

Yes, if you need to reread it, it is abuse.

It is also disqualifying. Anyone who has had sex as a shepherd with any of the sheep who is not their wife, is not qualified for that role any longer. Doctors who commit medical malpractice lose a license, bridge engineers whose faulty plans cause collapse lose their license, and church staff, counselors, pastors, elders, and professors who sleep with those they are called to serve are stepping into an abusive power dynamic that means they are no longer fit to serve in that role.

Spiritually and emotionally, by virtue of the role, they are held to a higher standard and should be and they have power over the other person.

Is it abuse legally speaking? Often it is not. A consensual affair with a scummy pastor is gross and reprehensible to God, but it is not illegal.

A rapist is not the same criminally speaking as someone who commits sexual assault. A pedophile is not the same as someone who sins with an adult.

Anyone who commits crimes within a church or ministry context should be turned over to the civil authority and everyone should work with the civil authority to punish the evildoers. Our standard of protecting victims should be higher, not lower than the world, and police and prosecutors should be involved, not some parachurch or secular watchdog who has “findings” without any due process.

Yet what about cases that aren’t criminal and that are immoral? Those should be reviewed within the church with punishments doled out as appropriate by the church, and they should follow the clear biblical guidelines in Matthew 18 and 1 Timothy 5.

Restoration also must speak the truth in love to everyone involved in sin. Denying the moral agency of a 28 year old woman having an affair is wicked absent some mental impairment that means she also cannot live on her own.

When a child is engaged in sex, they are a victim. That righteous fact “this is not your fault” does not apply to entire categories of people based on gender, nor does it apply as a get out of jail free card for whoever is the one who didn’t make the first move.

If totally outside of power dynamics, someone who did not work for me, was not a part of my church, decided to grab me in a sexual way that I did not ask for, I would be a victim who would still in wisdom analyze if I did anything foolish to be in a situation where that happened. Any return of that inappropriate overture on my part as a married man would be my sin. We have current mega church pastors who are accused of making the first move and they did not resign from ministry. That demonstrates a lack of discernment. If you have sex with your masseuse, you are no longer a ministry leader. If you grope a member of your staffs wife, you are no longer a ministry leader, and you need to repent of abuse!

I know this post is long, but it seems like a large percentage of the SBC is confused.

1. Did a person in power act sexually in a criminal way?

Involve the criminal authorities first, and remove them from power.

2. Did a person in power act sexually in a way that was not criminal but was abusive?

Remove them from power.

3. Did a person in power act sexually in a way that was not criminal or abusive but was sexually immoral?

Remove them from the office of elder, and any roles in which they might wield power spiritually or emotionally over others.

This one involves 1 Timothy 5, and false accusations are a real thing (and God hates lying) but again I am writing this because we have men admitting to immorality but arguing that it is not disqualifying, which is just outrageous.

4. Was a person a victim of a sex crime?

Emphasize the support of the church, stand up for them and advocate for them and protect them and help them understand the truth that this was not their fault and that they are a victim.

5. Was a person a victim of abuse that is not a sex crime?

Emphasize the support of the church, advocate for them by speaking the truth in love and helping them understand their role as a victim and any culpability they have in the relationship.

6. Was a person in an adulterous relationship that they were wholly consensual in outside of an abusive power dynamic?

Emphasize the forgiveness and love of Christ to restore them fully despite the fact that they are not a victim and that they are culpable for their sin and in need of repentance.

Our culture is lying continually and being a victim is such a potent currency that hoaxes abound (and if you can’t picture a few you aren’t following the news much). We fail to love brothers and sisters well when we deny their moral agency and make them a victim when they are not one. We fail to love brothers and sisters well and love justice and speak up for the oppressed when we pretend that our focus should be on sin when someone is a real victim crying out for justice.

It may be because I am a lawyer that this particular problem seems solvable and it may be because I love biblical justice that I find myself full of righteous anger when churches get this wrong.

There is mercy and grace and forgiveness for abusers and adulterers. Moral failings can and often should be disqualifying from leadership within churches and the parachurch for the protection of future potential victims and the restoration to fellowship of someone who cannot be trusted to lead.

Forgiveness is free, trust is earned.

Matthew 18 and 1 Timothy 5 mean what they say and I would suggest denying support to and leaving churches or parachurch ministries that do not understand how to deal with sexual crimes, sexual abuse and sexual sin.